Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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