I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
