I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
