how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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