I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
