I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
