wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
