Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
