I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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