listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
