You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
