check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
