I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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