I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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