just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
