Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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