I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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