Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
