I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
