were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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