its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
