Where did you get a picture of my penis
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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