Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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