Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
