Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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