I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
