I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
