My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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