and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
