Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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