beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
