vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Less talking, more tequila
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
