He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
