alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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