Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
