I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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