it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
