I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
