The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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