is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
