the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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