i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize