I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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