I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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