We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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