Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
