"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
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Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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