I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
