I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
