butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
