she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
