yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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