so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
