everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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