I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
