I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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