Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
