you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
