I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
