the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
