dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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