May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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