If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
