Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
