youre lurking in front of me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
