why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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