I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
