3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
