I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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