it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
