I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
