I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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