Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
