well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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