Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize