I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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