I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
