I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
