She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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