i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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