some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
