i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
