there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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