if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
