Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
