found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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