can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
